It's that time again

Well Seattle, we gave it a good go, you and me. I'm sorry that you've changed a bit and we don't fit together as well as we used to. I'll always have a special place for you in my heart, but I have to say goodbye while we're on still good terms, before I start to resent you and your astronomical rent!

It's so weird, coming home again after 2+ years away with all these expectations and hopes. You'd think by now that I would have figured out that having expectations doesn't make things play out just the way you want. That being said, coming home has been both amazing and challenging. It's weird; being on the same continent with other people you love makes you feel like you're with them, like you've caught up, and almost like you've never left. There are friends in other states that I haven't even seen since I've been home (in other words, I haven't actually seen them in 3+ years), but the proximity makes you feel like you're connected. Unfortunately sometimes that feeling makes it hard to prioritize actually seeing people, especially when wrapped up in a busy work schedule. The weird part about coming home is that a journal full of adventures and memory cards full of photos seems to have done little more than remind of me of a dream I once had, where I lived across the world... In some ways it feels like it was a lifetime ago or that I just imagined it! Can you believe that?! It's humbling- especially trying to remember the extreme highs and lows and just being so wrapped up in experiences that felt like the whole world at the time, only to be left in that dream-space of my brain.

So, what I'm getting at here is that living in the present is all we have. Once this day, week, or  month is gone, it might just feel like a distant dream, so you should appreciate it while it's here. If you're living a lifestyle you don't think you'll ever be able to appreciate, it's time for a change. This is an idea I want to always focus on in life. While we were abroad, the things I couldn't have were pulling at me. The desire to create a space, a community, a place where I could grow and make things- those things were all really out of reach, but I told myself that when I got home that was what I wanted to seek out. Well, sometimes when you're broke you just toss your dreams aside to make some money, and that's where I found myself when I got home. Next thing you know you're turning into a blob at a desk and living in your childhood room in your parents' house (I sure am lucky for that though, thanks mom and dad!).

Now that I find myself more or less financially stable, that familiar feeling is coming back- money feels less and less important and other things are rushing to the forefront of my mind.

So, OLYMPIA! I gave my notice at work and it's official; Brian and I are relocating yet again to try out a new life in a new city!! Very exciting stuff.

Why Olympia, you ask? I have gotten lots of surprised looks with this announcement. Yes, Olympia is small- I love that. It's small enough to nurture a strong community where neighbors get to know eachother and maybe they each bring something different to the table (in my dreams it's literally a table, full of food). There's not much going on downtown, you say? Well, some people enjoy having less choices around, ahem. Does it bug me that I've lived in Seattle nearly all my life and while I have some favorite places to eat and drink, I still have yet to find my "spot" where I'm a regular? Yes, yes it does. You know when you just don't feel like making a decision (me, all the time)? In those cases I like to have a place to go that's a no-brainer... walk down the street a few blocks and there's your watering hole. Yes please! Let's not forget good ol' dollar bills... they go a lot further down in Oly. We're hunting for 2-bedroom rental houses with yards that are walking distance to downtown, and these places are cheaper than a studio apartment in Cap Hill/First Hill/the CD.... enough said. I want a yard! I want to garden! I want to be close to the Olympic National Forest! Plus, let's be honest here- I'm not fancy. I love that NW-casual feel that I have been honing in on all my life... and now that Seattle's getting a little to ritzy for me, I'm ready to move to a place that's still got a relaxed vibe all throughout.

The biggest draw to Olympia for me is that for whatever reason it just feels like home. When I'm there, I never want to leave, and that feeling is enough for me.

So what are we gonna do there? Well, Brian is currently off in Thailand starting his school program to become an international teacher! He gets back in mid-July, and then his classes will be online for the rest of the year. So he'll be studying and maybe finding work in education. I'm looking to go back to the restaurant biz part time, with hopefully a part time job at the co-op (cross your fingers for me, peeps), and spending the majority of my time doing stuff AROUND THE HOUSE! Finally- gardening, maybe becoming a chicken-mom, cooking things, building things, crafting things, cooking, fermenting everything I can get my hands on, making all things everything. That is what I've been dreaming about. Slowing it down (except not physically, because I got enough of the slow life sitting at a desk and that is definitely not for me) and focusing on creating a little environment that nurtures us and vice versa.

The other main goal of this transition is not to run away from family/friends again but to be able to utilize and appreciate all my time with the people I love a lot more. I get the feeling that living 75 min away from Seattle will make it easier for me to spend quality time with family/friends when I am in town. It's that problem I was talking about before- a false sense of comfort knowing that your loved ones are around you and letting that feeling take the place of actually seeing them. I've let myself get really caught up in being "too busy" (which feels like a really lousy excuse). I find myself caught in a routine of bus commuting, working and being annoyed, commuting home (or doing stuff with friends and then regretting not catching the commuter bus home because of the sorry transportation system), going to bed, waking up tired, waiting for the weekend, having the time of my life, and then settling back into the sad cycle again. What's that you say? That's life? Well, I don't believe that- why is our whole purpose in life to work and wait for our small amount of free time to appreciate/relax? What if working was either something you were passionate about or only had to do for the MINIMUM amount of time, with the rest of your time spent enjoying yourself? I think a lot of people reading this are scoffing right now and thinking of me as a brat. But I hope not- if you feel annoyed or jealous about my desire to change the direction of my life at the drop of a hat, maybe instead you can be inspired. It's never too late to change something or go for what you want. Take a risk and start over; the hardest decisions in life yield the biggest rewards and all those other cliche sayings (but they're all true!!!!). If I can do it, so can you (at least in some small way- take a baby step!)! Or at least come slow your life down and visit us in Oly for a weekend :)

Thanks for all your continued love and support!! xo

Here's a couple of pics from life at home from the last 6 months, all totally randomized for your viewing pleasure:

Karney Krismas field trip

NYE @ Circa

Tacoma w/ Mt Rainier

Brian revisits his castle high school

walking home from the junction

Abbey visits!

Bebop pouring beer again

Seahawks win the Superbowl :)

First night back at Yen Wor- BLISS

Meg sledding in Seattle :)

This baby

little Ozzie bean lives in my country now :)

Face comes over for some crafting

Here's Oly!

romantic ladies' dinner with Allie

Alki love

again **MAGIC**

A lovely breakfast Brian prepared me :)

celebrating this blushing bride (soon to be my neighbor!!!!!!)

mum and dad and SEATTLE

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lotttttttttttttttts more of this to come, stay tuned

back w/ my fam

Owen's frozen lake at the ocean

tourists at the market

grand return of Santa's hair

we're proud of our boy!

heartwarming moment with Angel

My best frands <3 p="">

Santa Cocktail Hour

Christmas bubsy #1

Christmas bubsy #2

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with my friend Sarah's newborn baby at the hospital on lunch break :)

First M's game of the season!

DOE BABY

yurt weekend w/ Bri

on Mt Constitution

Bendy

all shined up for Allie and Matt's wedding

Brunch is Trivial with Hotboy at the Bird

Brian at his sister's beautiful home in Berkeley

bro and sis BBQ

new Cali bean

yep, this one's goin in the garden

best pic in life

Carolyn's a great mom :)))

dad on the grill!

boys bein boys

<3 p="">

Roach's bday BBQ at the cutest house/yard in the world (*inspiration*)

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and so I can always remember how I felt coming home, a partial post written on 12/18/13 (2 weeks after arriving home)

Home || It's where I want to be || But I guess I'm already there

Ahhh, those blissful moments where all is right in the world. I felt that tonight, with my family, goofing around downtown for our newly reinstated Christmas-in-downtown-Seattle field trip. Sometimes coming home feels just like it did in your dreams; breathtaking scenery, food that makes you want to cry because it's so delicious, and laughs with your family that just fill your heart up to the brim. Tonight was one of those nights for me. It hasn't felt like Christmas at all to me lately, even though I've spent months pining for a Seattle wintry Christmas, and the weather has more than delivered in beauty, though snow seems as elusive as ever. But tonight, cringing at the pageantry of riding the carousel with my family in the biting wind, I finally felt the Christmas spirit. I know, I know, SO corny. But as most of you know, I am obsessed with the Christmas season and have long grown out of my embarrassment of that. Being here in my city right now just feels so RIGHT!

I don't think it's true what they say,"you can never come home again." Moving back to the US after 26 months abroad has been an eye-opening experience, to say the least, but there was some old longing, or nostalgia, or something that never fully went away for me while we were away. I never did adjust to a hotter climate, stop missing Mexican food, or learn to live the "she'll be right" mentality (and god knows I tried). But unbeknownst to me, I DID change. Just a little, I think, but I've noticed it. It was obvious right away. The American psyche just freaked me out for the first week I was home. I wanted to hold onto that feeling, weirdly. I wanted to remember how incredibly huge the world is, to grasp the insignificance of myself as an individual, to keep focused on the eye-opening differences in the way people live their day-to-day lives; the way things are structured differently in other cultures, the shift of focus from the individual to the collective...