China Things

As our time in China is wrapping up, I've been trying to write something meaningful about it. I can't seem to come up with anything that does a great job of explaining my feelings about life here. Multi-faceted, complex feelings. They're something you have to experience for yourself, and thus I'm forever grateful to all the wonderful people who've honored us with a visit while we've lived here. Friends, when you come and experience life here, you give us an invaluable gift. You affirm these complex feelings that we can't quite put into words. It's a form of validation, your observation of the things we love and appreciate, things that drive us crazy, and things that make us laugh (or cry). For those who haven't been here, the best I could come up with is a list. These are little things that might paint a more accurate picture of China through a Western expat's eyes. I hope it will invoke in you the feelings of love, admiration, hilarity, irritation, and confusion that we cycle through each day. There is so much about this country that we are ignorant to with our minimal language abilities, so much deep meaning lost. After nearly 3 years here, it still feels like I'm slowly peeling away the layers of an onion, wondering how deep the center is. There are days here where I feel comfortable and savvy, and days I still feel like a fish out of water.

Without further ado, my list of China Things:

1. Elderly people planting decorative cabbages near the sidewalk in winter, and switching them out for pansies in the spring

2. "Sleeping bag hands" on motorbike handles

3. Peeing into a bucket to pour into a pipe that drains out of Mr. Song's wine shop in the Happy Family Market, and why that feels more comfortable than using the public toilet there

4. Pee Alley: a dirty, unbearably smelly passageway between a main street here and the beach, which was the only beach access for about a year

5. Passengers entering a packed public bus through the back door and passing their 1rmb (~15 cents) fare hand-to-hand all the way from the back of the bus to the driver

6. Car accidents stopping traffic, no matter how minor

7. Elderly people gardening in public spaces and cleaning up the streets

8. Construction happening at an alarming speed

9. Only looking directly in front of you while driving

10. Everyone hating AC, cold water, and pretty much any cold thing, and believing them all to be harmful to your health, and having them tell you about it constantly

11. Random people pulling up your shirt in an elevator to see if you're wearing something underneath and talking to their friends (in front of you) about how cold you must be

12. Children being babied and getting their butts wiped and being hand-fed by adults until they are far too old for that

13. Grandparents taking care of all children

14. Weird billboards/ad posters of white people looking pensive

15. "Your sample text here"

16. Trees painted white, and being held up lovingly by wooden stilts

17. The water truck spraying the street while playing "It's a Small World"

18. The shopping mall being the place to hang out, even though everyone actually buys all their things online

19. An overabundance of employees working in consistently empty cafes/shops

20. Finding your favorite restaurant or cafe, and having it be closed down a few months later. Repeat.

21. Arriving at an airport and driving into the city and having every city look exactly the same

22. Every compliment on someone's clothing results in the response, "I got it online for ____ rmb!"

23. Nice looking fixtures in a new apartment, but installed slightly crooked or broken

24. Standing up, opening the overhead bin and trying to walk to the front door of the airplane before it even touches down

25. Being pushed and "cut in line" (quotes because this is only a hypothetical line) constantly

26. Always being a hurry to go nowhere

27. "WAIGUOREN!" and pointing

28. Being extremely modest about using a toothpick after a meal, but pooping unabashedly next to a sidewalk in broad daylight is ok

29. Drinking tea 24/7

30. Spitting, burping, other bodily functions happening loudly in public (men only)

31. Stale, rotten taxi breath

32. People working ridiculously long hours thus needing to sleep on the job

33. Little brown poodles wearing all variety of clothing

34. Phone app translation errors that result in a very, very long conversation about something simple

35. Loud wailing on the beach in the morning which must be some kind of voice exercise

36. Elderly people exercising outside before the sun comes up

37. People physically fighting at the cash register after dinner over who pays the bill

38. The fact that sea cucumbers are a delicacy

39. The security check at Metro stations that are constantly beeping but no one's actually looking in your bags/pockets

40. When you go to the doctor for a skin rash and they tell you to hang your clothes in the sun before you wear them to prevent further irritation

And some photos of fun/funny moments from the past few years:

This was actually two separate occasions (two different discarded bears)

Free pillows with your purchase of a meal

Christmas 365 days a year

I can fit here

Yes, that's real meat

"Can I have a side of onion and tomato for my burger?"

This is the dog. So many dogs like this!